OAKHAVEN, Ind. — An emergency session of the Oakhaven School District Board of Trustees descended into procedural gridlock Tuesday night, following the realization that no living administrator or historical record can identify the high school’s official athletic mascot.
What began as a routine $45,000 procurement vote to replace the high school’s aging gym floor and athletic apparel stalled when the manufacturing vendor, Ohio-based Varsity Brands Inc., requested a taxonomic classification or vector file for the district’s mascot to complete the order.
The symbol, which has appeared on Oakhaven High School varsity jackets, helmets, and stationery since a district consolidation in 1981, is a teal, asymmetrical polygon with three rounded corners, a jagged lower ridge, and what some alumni describe as a drop-shadow.
"We are not trying to be difficult, but we cannot authorize taxpayer funds for a custom mascot suit without knowing if the entity is supposed to have eyes," said Board President Marcus Vance, who spent forty minutes of the meeting attempting to find a corresponding animal in a North American wildlife guide. "The vendor needs to know where to cut the armholes, and right now, we don't even know which end of this thing is the head."
A review of the high school’s yearbooks dating back forty years revealed that local sports reporters have historically avoided using a mascot noun, referring to the teams simply as "The Oakhaven Eleven" or "The Teal and Grey."
Superintendent Dr. Evelyn Thorne presented the board with a 1984 state championship program, which listed the school’s opponent as the "Oakhaven [Image Not Found]."
"For forty-five years, we have just pointed at our chests and cheered," said Varsity Athletic Director Greg Halloway, who noted that Oakhaven’s cheerleaders currently use generic pom-poms to avoid committing to a specific physical gesture. "When we play Decatur High, their fans yell, 'Go Chargers!' Our side of the bleachers usually just makes a low, sustained humming sound during kickoff. It has worked for us defensively, but it makes licensing merchandise incredibly difficult."
The debate has quickly polarized the community. A faction of traditionalists on the board argues the shape is a stylized anvil, honoring the town’s defunct nineteenth-century iron works. A rival faction insists it is a poorly rendered map of the county’s original township lines, while a vocal group of parents at the meeting expressed concern that the mascot might be an early digital rendering error that was accidentally permanently adopted.
To resolve the impasse, the board voted 5-2 to table the gym resurfacing contract until a retired administrative secretary, currently residing in Sarasota, Florida, can be reached by phone to explain what she drew on a napkin during a school board recess in the autumn of 1980.
In the interim, Oakhaven athletes will continue to wear helmets featuring a blank teal circle.
"We just want to play ball," Halloway said. "But until we get this sorted out, our boys are going to have to remain the Oakhaven Somethings."