Markets & Business Editor
IPOs, mergers, and the eternal question of whether this changes everything
Evelyn spent twelve years on Wall Street before realizing she was better at describing money than making it. She can explain a SPAC in one sentence and a market correction in three, though economists dispute the order should be reversed. Her inbox contains 400 unread press releases from fintech companies, each promising to "democratize" something that was already democratic.
Columbus-based Veritas Coffee Roasters has overhauled its beverage sizes, replacing fluid ounces with increasingly grandiose metaphysical concepts.
The Federal Space Agency has canceled its upcoming mission to Jupiter’s icy moon after an automated system flagged a $42.18 overage on dry-erase markers.
A comprehensive consumer behavior study has concluded that shoppers purchase blue dish soap primarily because of its physical proximity to sponges.
San Francisco-based startup Ajar has raised $14 million to resolve the social anxiety of holding doors for moderately distant strangers.
San Francisco-based software firm Veloce has unveiled the Aura, an enterprise-grade sensor designed to resolve the social ambiguity of meeting endings.
A regional dental practice has introduced "hygiene remediation protocols," requiring patients who lie about flossing to sign formal corrective action plans.
An Ohio grocery shopper was detained by an automated checkout terminal after his scanning velocity fell below the store's contractually implied productivity…
Boston law firm Sterling & Croft LLP has introduced 'Cognitive Billing,' using biometric bands to charge clients for attorneys' background thoughts.
A Virginia real estate listing has triggered a massive bidding war by reframing severe structural defects and code violations as high-concept design choices.
An Ohio homeowner’s insurance claim for kitchen water damage was denied under a 179-year-old policy exemption originally written for steam-packet explosions.
A high-level multilateral summit in Geneva collapsed on Tuesday following an intractable diplomatic dispute over the official starch served at working lunches.
A regional dental network in Ohio has launched a smart-floss tracking initiative to eliminate patient dishonesty and enforce daily compliance.
A London auction house is taking legal action to recover a grey plastic office wastebasket that was accidentally sold to a private collector for £3.6 million.
A retired German voice actor is seeking a court order to stop transit enthusiasts from staging a sold-out arena show featuring her pre-recorded safety warnings.
Apex Global Logistics has introduced a new accounting framework requiring employees to log and bill their spontaneous excitement to prevent unbudgeted…
Global trade ministers departed Geneva on Friday after failing to reach a consensus on the legal definitions used on the working lunch catering menu.
Following a widespread drafting error in an 1,100-page federal bill, Canadian civil servants must now distinguish between 'also' and the newly codified 'aslo.'
Professional networking platform Collabr has launched a new real-time spatial audio feature that plays footsteps whenever someone views a profile.
A Netherlands municipality dispatched three fire engines and a hazardous response team to a residence after sensor data indicated a 99.4% probability of a…
A Naperville dental office is replacing post-cleaning lectures with a searchable compliance database, sending neighborhood alerts to chronic non-flossers.